The ceremony is not only the heart of a wedding, it’s often the highlight of the day for the bride and groom, so it’s important to get it right. Stevie Newbegin finds out what all brides-to-be need to know en route to ‘I do’.

Until recently, I compiled the ‘Real Weddings’ pages in Melbourne Bridal Showcase and its sister publication, Melbourne Wedding & Bride, and on a daily basis I spoke to newlyweds about their special day. During our chats, I always asked what the highlight of their day was, and it astounded me how similar the responses often were.

In the majority of cases, the ceremony was the highlight of each couple’s day – more specifically, walking down the aisle and becoming husband and wife in front of family and friends. Furthermore, it was often a surprise for many newlyweds that this was their highlight, as many were mostly looking forward to the reception in the lead up to their day.

The reason for this is all too simple; while a reception is a fantastic and joyous celebration for all who attend, for the bride and groom the ceremony is a beautiful and emotional experience unlike any other, and signifies a major step in their lives together. A ceremony also makes a public and symbolic statement about the couple’s love and commitment to one another.

To ensure the wedding ceremony is as meaningful to you as it was to the newlyweds I spoke to, the following outlines all of the important wedding ceremony basics, as well as the special, personalised touches that can be added and cherished for years to come.

THE MAIN EVENT
While wedding ceremonies vary greatly between different cultures and religions, one thing remains constant across the world – a wedding ceremony unites two people together in marriage. Whether that is in a church and officiated by a minister, by the beach in front of a celebrant, or at a courthouse in front of a judge, a wedding ceremony should be unique and personalised.

The two fundamental aspects of a ceremony include the vows or promises that the couple makes to one another and the pronouncement of marriage by the person officiating. From there, it is completely up to the couple what type of ceremony they choose. From the location of the ceremony to the type of officiant, theme, music, dress, vows, prayers, readings and symbolic gifts, a ceremony can be tailored to suit your dream wedding and no couple should feel pressured to conform to any particular ceremony.

Where To Wed
The first step when arranging a wedding ceremony is to choose a venue. There are a myriad of ceremony venues and locations all over Australia, ranging from churches to chapels, gardens, beaches, wineries, and even private properties.

The venue will set the scene and the theme for the occasion, where a church could be seen as traditional, grand or formal and a garden could be seen as romantic, casual or rustic, for example.

At this point it is also important to think about the officiant who will be presiding over the ceremony. This could be a minister, celebrant, judge, rabbi or anyone else who is legally qualified. It’s important to consider both the location and the officiant together as some may have restrictions on where they will marry a couple.

It’s important to ensure the vows are meaningful and representative of the relationship.

If choosing a minister of religion, couples don’t necessarily need to go to church regularly or even be a part of a particular faith. Many ministers will still provide this service, it’s just important to research the best available. Some ministers are also happy to make changes to their wedding services, including personalised vows or the joining of two traditions, and some will also marry a couple outside of a church, however this must be discussed well in advance.

That being said, in Australia the majority of couples choose civil wedding ceremonies, and most are performed by celebrants. The reason for this is that a civil ceremony gives couples the flexibility to personalise their order of service. If choosing a celebrant, it is important to choose someone who is confident and well spoken, can handle any awkward situations that may arise and who will incorporate any traditions and suggestions requested.

Being comfortable and excited about the ceremony setting and officiant will go a long way in creating a memorable ceremony, and from this point the smaller details will be easier to organise.

It’s All In The Details
Once a venue and officiant have been chosen, the real fun starts and the ceremony can be personalised to truly reflect the couple. The officiant will have suggestions of popular services they have performed and will provide a range of vows and readings for perusal, but in the end it is up to the bride and the groom to choose.

• Vows
Marriage vows are promises that the bride and groom make to one another at the ceremony. Religious ceremonies usually follow specific vows, however some ministers provide some flexibility, and in civil ceremonies existing vows can be chosen or the couple can write their own.

For couples who choose their vows from the wide selection available for civil ceremonies, it’s important to ensure the vows are meaningful and representative of their relationship. On the other hand, for those couples who write their own vows, the options really are limitless. Many couples take inspiration from poems and popular culture, or write about their feelings and the history of their relationship.

• Music
The music played at the ceremony will set the mood for the service and will evoke emotion in your guests. It is common to play music as the bridal party enters and as the bride walks down the aisle, as well as during the couple’s exit.

Couples also sometimes choose to have music playing for guests before the bride’s arrival, or during the signing of the wedding license.

The ceremony music can take a range of forms depending on the formality of the occasion, as well as the cultural background of the couple. The music can be performed live by musicians like harpists, pianists or violinists, solo vocalists or can even be pre-recorded songs that hold special meaning to the couple.

• Readings
Wedding readings are a great way to incorporate family and friends into the ceremony, as well as captivating guests and livening up the atmosphere of the event. The most important thing to consider is the theme of the ceremony and to choose a reading that suits the occasion.

While passages from the bible can be chosen, it is a false assumption that readings have to be religious, and they can be chosen from a variety of sources. Couples often choose a range of material from poems, song lyrics, quotes, verses, prose, personal reflections, old love letters and scriptures that are meaningful to them.

• Traditions
There is no better way to personalise a ceremony than to incorporate a cultural or symbolic custom. Popular cultural traditions include glass breaking for those who want to honour their Jewish roots, Celtic hand-fasting, Filipino coins, a veil and cord ceremony, or a lasso rite involving parents or grandparents, to pay homage to a Mexican-American heritage.

Other popular traditions include the warming of the rings, the sharing of wine, the hand release of doves or butterflies, the rose ceremony and the lighting of the unity candle, to name a few. Each of
these symbolise different kinds of good fortune for the couple in the future.

A PRACTICE RUN
Before you walk down the aisle on your big day, it’s best to leave nothing to chance by having a rehearsal. A rehearsal is a practice run of the ceremony proceedings, and allows all of the bridal party plus other important guests to practice their role for the day to ensure everything runs smoothly.

Rehearsals usually take place just days before the wedding, and it’s best to have the rehearsal at the same venue as the wedding, so that everyone knows their exact positions. If this isn’t possible, it is common for people to conduct rehearsals at alternative locations.

The bride and groom, bridesmaids, groomsmen, flower girl, pageboy, parents of the bride and groom and other special guests should attend the rehearsal. The celebrant or minister will also need to be present, as they will guide everyone through each stage of the ceremony rehearsal. A representative for the venue or a wedding planner should also be there to answer any questions.

During the rehearsal, every aspect of the ceremony will be explained and practiced, and all members of the wedding will need to take note of their role. This starts with the ushers learning where to seat the groom’s parents, the mother-of-the-bride, grandparents and other wedding guests.

The groom and groomsmen will be shown where to stand at the venue and their order. The bride, bridesmaids, flower girl, pageboy and father-of-the-bride will all need to take note of their order of entrance, the music cue for when they should start walking, how far apart they should walk, the speed and style of their walk and where to stand at the end of the aisle.

Children may need extra practice, and there should be an adult who will walk with them if they get scared on the day. The bride and bridesmaids should also discuss how to hold their bouquets, and decide who will need to hold the bride’s bouquet when she signs the marriage license.

As for the ceremony itself, the celebrant or minister will run through the precise ceremony proceedings with the bride and groom. This will include requesting the bride and groom to practice repeating their vows at the correct time, explaining how to reply to each question, the correct wording of each answer and when to reply. The ring exchange will also be practiced. Following this, the bridal party will be shown where to move to sign the marriage license, and how to exit the venue at the conclusion of the ceremony.

People who have special roles will also get a chance to practice their part. Those doing readings will be told when the reading will take place, shown where to stand and asked to recite a few lines. It is a good idea to ensure the readers know how to adjust a microphone if necessary, and are clear where the reading will be located on the day – on a podium, for example.

As each wedding is different, there may be additional parts that need to be rehearsed. For example, some venues ask the bride and groom to provide their own music, and whoever is responsible for the music will need to learn where to play the music and their cue to start each song.

Alternatively, if there is a candle lighting ceremony, those involved will need to learn their part, and any musicians or soloists will need to be aware of their cue.

Once the rehearsal is completed, make sure everyone is comfortable with their role. It’s important to not make any large changes to the ceremony as this will only create confusion for the celebrant and those involved.

After the rehearsal, many couples choose to throw a rehearsal dinner. This is completely up to the bride and groom and is in no way compulsory, but is a fun excuse to celebrate and say thank you to everyone who has been part of the wedding planning thus far.

I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU…
When the day finally arrives, there is nothing more to be done than to simply relax and enjoy the wedding. All of the hard work has been done, and the most important thing to remember is the reason for the celebration – to become husband and wife.